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No Contract, No Christmas

from Panic Attack Vol. 3: Datura Burrito by Panic Surfer

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lyrics

We’ve had enough of this mistreatment
Here in the North Pole
We’re pissing in bottles and breaking our backs
To enrich that jolly asshole
If OSHA covered this frozen tundra
They’d shit a fucking brick
Us Elves have got to band together
Against dear old Saint Nick

The time has come
To unionize
This holiday season will be cancelled
Put down your wrenches
Let’s go on strike
Santa Clause can kiss our assholes

Rudolph got a bloodied nose
On the job, that’s why it’s red
Dasher and Dancer got COVID-19
But Santa still made them come in
Elves have dropped dead on the Factory floor
And we still didn’t get a damn break
That rich old motherfucker pockets the profit
And gives us a pitiful wage

We’ll picket and we’ll agitate
And shank scabs with candy canes
We’ll march and bitch and vandalize
That dumpy old fuck will recognize

And if
He won’t negotiate
We’ll gum up the works
And next years Christmas
Will be a shitty one, too
He can call McKenzie
He can hire Pinkertons
So if you want to help us
Leave out catshit instead of cookies

The Elf union will get what we deserve this time
$35 an hour
And some goddamn paid sick leave
And these embarrassing uniforms shouldn’t come out of our pay

So the time has come
To unionize
This holiday season is the perfect leverage
Pick up your markers
Make some pickets signs
Santa Clause won’t know what hit him
The time has come
To expropriate
Billionaire perverts will get what’s coming
We’ll get a contract
We’ll get paid
That white haired fuck cannot stop us now

credits

from Panic Attack Vol. 3: Datura Burrito, released June 4, 2023

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Panic Surfer Dallas, Texas

Panic Surfer is a one man project from Texas, formed during the 2020 lockdown to prevent the sole member from slipping into total madness.

Originally Panic Surfer was a project focused on satirical YouTube and Tik Tok videos, but later expanded into more ambitious territory.

Incorporating elements of death, thrash, groove metal, and horror punk, Panic Surfer promises to punish. ... more

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