I’ve snuck into your country club in a chefs hat and a crisp white apron Slipped the valet a $20 and gave the head chef a 5th of skol vodka I spy a gaggle of WASPy perverts in khakis and polos Heading back into the clubhouse for a 3 martini lunch Hi, I’m chef Panic There’s a new menu Organic ingredients Local and home brewed One bite will blow your mind One bite will change you I spark a stolen Cuban and sit back To watch the fucking show The well-bred take a bite, wipe their mouths with embroidered silk napkins They wonder aloud about the elegant tang of their burritos They start sweating and looking a little hot under their starched collars When the realization hits their dumb fucking face This is what you deserve So this is what you’re gonna get Another asshole served Another table… The clubhouse starts to dissolve Into confusion, into chaos Broken plates and broken resolve Now this party is taking off You’ll see Watching douchey anglo pervs Backed into a corner Fighting off imagined ghosts While they shit themselves Crying for their mommy A game of demented make believe Human vultures scared and bleeding Slicing out tongues and pulling teeth I guess it’s true You are what you eat A pile of bodies Flailing and writhing Hallucinations So real and frightening This is the last supper in the gospel of Panic, you fucks I gaze upon my work and watch these freaks spiral Into the abyss I’ve turned this wretched country club into a live action Bosch painting A sea of CEOs and Epstein assholes tripping horribly A yuppie sits all alone at a table, eating his own eyeballs A nepo baby strangles his daddy with his own guts This isn’t lunch time This is a reckoning You fucking psychopaths Had it coming A bloody favor Done for humanity This is my masterpiece Isn’t it something? I’ll film and post this shit All over the internet I’ve got a lengthly list Of clubs I’ll visit I’ll play and experiment A meal you won’t forget Hope it suits your pallet You fucking narcissists Devil’s Trumpets start to play Discordant and deafening Severed limbs, viscera sprayed Upper crust shattered and splayed Guts and gore and chunks Glaze the chandelier and walls Howls of horror fill the air The sweet perfume of blood Piss soaked frat boys stumble Onto the bloodied green The earth beneath them rumbles Goddamn, that’s some cuisine A sea of bodies roaming Cracked faces, bloody squirts This goddamn country club will Get sucked down into the earth

As the peak, the pinnacle of masculinity Lifting weights, eating raw meat Smoking cigars, drinking whiskey It’s my job to protect the west from everything deemed girly And bully and bash and bitch and bellyache At the woke hordes storming American gates And by gates I mean my twitter mentions AHH! Rainbow flags! Hanging where my drooling children can see them Christ is king Driving to the shooting range in my exurban town I saw a sticker, a trans rights flag I shit myself and called my dad My ex-wife’s new boyfriend is a very light shade of brown So I subscribed to the Daily Wire and binged watched Matt Walsh While secure in my pillow fort The transgenders can’t hurt me when I’m under my blanky AHHH! Drag Queens on TV! That means it’s time to kick off a genocide… The LGBTQ agenda is coming for our kids My Catholic priest told me so, he’s a man of God So I’ll take it from him I’ll consume the propaganda Paid for by the oil oligarchy And drive a wedge between me and my kids I’ll bury the memory of that time At a college party Where I saw my friend Tom in tight jeans And had some impure urges No! I hate you because I hate me And that’s why I got uninvited yet again To another Thanksgiving I’ll eat alone again No, I’m no crying, it’s just allergies AHHH! Androgynous teens! I want to drain the world of all it’s color And bleed the grey in me out into the streets If nobody else does At least Jesus loves me I’m a motherfucking man

Rolling up in my F-350 diesel truck Yes, it has truck nuts I’m going on a shopping spree at REI and Patagonia My bald ass tires might get stuck in 3 inches of snow But it’s no big deal because I work from home In my luxury apartment $2,800 a month, it’s nothing So I’ll spend my weekends at Casa Bonita And buy chapstick in bulk from Costco I’ve been here 6 months, I’m officially a native Us Texans will descend on Denver Like a plague of locusts Goddamnit, I got canned from my bullshit job in IT, fuck me But I’ve got a backup plan that respects the culture of this city I’ll smoke meth and steal catalytic converters from your precious Subies Then spend $1200 Registering my F-350 It’s my new home, so sue me And I’ll spend my weekends at Denver Biscuit Company And take selfies with my dog going hiking I’ve been here a year, now I’m an elder native Those Texans will descend on Denver Like a plague of locusts It just occurred to me… This land is stolen We’re all the offspring of genocide America is a shit sucking hellscape An open air sewer of assholes From sea to oily sea You can hate on Californians, Floridians, and New Yorkers also You can dunk on red states, blue states, and all the fence sitting purples But the fact remains, they’re all filled with the same kind of assholes So when one moves from one state to another Just imagine turds In a toilet Swirling around and around I’ll spend my weekends bankrupting cancer patients And twiddling my thumbs after every school shooting I’ve been here for centuries, I smallpox’d all the natives The Americans are descending on themselves Like a plague of Texans

Your health insurance claim came across my desk You’re looking for coverage for surgery And some meds here and there, and a specialist You’ve come down with a horrible disease Well you can kiss my ass, you can suck my cock I know better than yourself, I know better than your doc If you wanna live, then you can go bankrupt And if you die, we’ll snatch the fillings right from your gums There’s profits to be made this year There’s mega yachts to be bought Chuck Schumer has a price tag on him There’s elections to be “won” Your diabetic child needs some insulin Let me see what we can do We’re on your side, we’ve got your back Our top priority is you Haha, I’m pulling your leg, dumbass Your child can die and then we’d all laugh We’ll pick your pockets while you mourn his death Then cover our asses on CNN Get sick? Be a slave to your employer And thank them for the coverage Then get taken to an out of network ER After a car crash and a broken limb There goes the college fund For your one surviving child And now your mother has a mysterious cough From living in East Palestine, Ohio She’s only 64 Uncovered by medicare Uninsured after your father died And a lifetime of vasculitis No money for radiation No money for chemotherapy We made a bundle while she gasped and wheezed And choked on frothed lungs Prayed to her god Pled on GoFundMe And finally fucking died Now you’re $100k in debt to me Expect some calls from a collection agency There’s profits to be made this year There’s stocks to be bought back You can fiddle around with this healthcare system But the core will remain intact Your dumbfuck neighbor chewing Copenhagen Will call you a socialist If you say that healthcare should be public sector Free at the point of service

We’ve had enough of this mistreatment Here in the North Pole We’re pissing in bottles and breaking our backs To enrich that jolly asshole If OSHA covered this frozen tundra They’d shit a fucking brick Us Elves have got to band together Against dear old Saint Nick The time has come To unionize This holiday season will be cancelled Put down your wrenches Let’s go on strike Santa Clause can kiss our assholes Rudolph got a bloodied nose On the job, that’s why it’s red Dasher and Dancer got COVID-19 But Santa still made them come in Elves have dropped dead on the Factory floor And we still didn’t get a damn break That rich old motherfucker pockets the profit And gives us a pitiful wage We’ll picket and we’ll agitate And shank scabs with candy canes We’ll march and bitch and vandalize That dumpy old fuck will recognize And if He won’t negotiate We’ll gum up the works And next years Christmas Will be a shitty one, too He can call McKenzie He can hire Pinkertons So if you want to help us Leave out catshit instead of cookies The Elf union will get what we deserve this time $35 an hour And some goddamn paid sick leave And these embarrassing uniforms shouldn’t come out of our pay So the time has come To unionize This holiday season is the perfect leverage Pick up your markers Make some pickets signs Santa Clause won’t know what hit him The time has come To expropriate Billionaire perverts will get what’s coming We’ll get a contract We’ll get paid That white haired fuck cannot stop us now