1. |
Welcome!
02:15
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2. |
Inpatient
02:49
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Everything is spinning
Strip search and interrogation
They took my shoelaces
There’s a ringing in the back of my head
How is this legal?
Where’s my phone call and my lawyer?
This place smells like bleach and urine
And there’s screaming down the hall
The windows are barred, all the exits have alarms
The doors are solid steel and the mattresses are hard
There’s cameras watching me, watching Jimmy spill his seed
And a battalion of ‘roided up orderlies
There’s a lady in the corner in a straightjacket shaking wildly
And some chubby asian dude carving wieners into the drywall
What the fuck is going on? Where’s the HHS when you need them?
Drooling, mumbling, twitchy, moaning freaks
All around
This place smells like rot, none of the nurses are hot
I’ve got a pounding headache, my stomach’s in a knot
Two patients in a fight, throwing punches left and right
The nurses just laugh and place their bets into the night
There’s no way that I belong in here
I’m perfectly sane
These creepy motherfuckers wanna milk my insurance
While they fiddle with my brain
I don’t care who I have to bribe
I don’t care what I have to do
I’ll fake my death like Ken Kesey
I’ll dig my way out with a fucking spoon
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3. |
The Diagnosticator
02:24
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They take me away to a room down the hall
And strip me butt naked again
There’s flashing screens, wires and machines
A chair with straps, two orderlies
Before I can run they both grab me
I feel like Rosemary Kennedy
Mouth gagged with leather, tied down to a chair
Von Terror says nothing, he just sits and stares
There’s beeping and buzzing, an overhead light
My mind cracks wide open, my demons come to life
Childhood fears that haunted me for years
Pop up on the screen, Von Terror sneers
Awkward erections, bullies, cold tears
The ugly nurses giggle in my ear
Embarrassing nights cut by flickering lights
Like Clockwork Orange, pried open eyes
Flipping through my life, going night by night
Just get this over with so I can motherfucking die
They observe the Diagnosticator
As it prints out exactly what is wrong with me
Hypochondriasis, Bipolar II, and a touch of OCD
Written up in Comic Sans to add insult to injury
To top it all off, it ended with a little poop emoji
There was no time to protest
The machine had spoken
They unhooked me and drug me right back to my cell
And behind closed doors, chuckling in his office
Von Terror brewed up a pharmaceutical cocktail
With clenched fists, a scowl, and a puckered asshole
I screamed out the window to let these fuckers know
I’ll call up Fox News, NPR and CNN
So the Diagnosticator can never be used again
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4. |
||||
Step right up, you sickos
We’ve got the cure for your mind
Don’t hesitate, boys and girls
Just get yourself in line
We’ve got pills that’ll wake you up
We’ve got pills that’ll help you unwind
Just take a few and watch
You’ll see
You’ll be better in no time
Zyprexa, Lamotrigine, lorazepam, parnate
In a little Dixie cup served every day at 8
A laundry list of side effects, can’t read or concentrate
Just a drooling empty-headed Panic Surfer
With erectile dysfunction
They make me tired all the time, but won’t let me sleep
I’m starving like a stoner but still don’t wanna eat
I spent thirteen hours just staring at my feet
We’re just lab rats for some pharmaceutical companies
Cause if you want sanity
It comes at a cost
You’ll gain 30 pounds
But at least
The voices have stopped
Some take pills, some take shots, some have meds hidden in cheese
Some take eye drops, some take patches, some take suppositories
A line of shuffling zombies lining up to at the same time
And I’m one of them, you take your cup, and then I’ll take mine, cheers
Cause if you want sanity
You’ll have to pay a price
It’ll take you two hours to cum
But at least you’ve tamed your mind
I
Have been hypnotized
By a handful of pills that keep me in line
I watched
The orderlies, on the sly
Sneak alprazolam right from behind
The backs of these weaseling, sniffling and wart-faced
Pill pushing nurses, motherfuckers got me
Slouched down in the corner
With a heartbeat like a jazz drum solo
And I couldn’t give a single solitary fuck at all
Cause if you want sanity
You’ll need to give up your edge
The things that make you interesting
Will be pulled out of your head
You’re nice and numb instead
Come back at 8am again
And again
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5. |
||||
Come in little rat
Let’s have a little chat
Tell me how you feel
Like I give a fuck
I’ll poke into your mind
Let’s see what I can find
Mental anguish, trauma, oh grow a fucking spine
Von Terror!
That’s the motherfucking name
Electrotherapy is the motherfucking game
Von Terror!
Learn it now and learn it well
I wanna hear you scream when I get my Nobel
Vicodin, Ketamine, a little bit of aspirin
Coursing through your veins, directly into your brain
Strap in, oh wait, you are already strapped, cause you are mine now
I hope that you can last
Cause I will have a blast
Poking you with needles
So much that you collapse
I hope you have insurance
Cause this sure won’t be cheap
You might be losing fluids
But your account is what will bleed
Von Terror!
That’s the motherfucking name
Electrotherapy is the motherfucking game
Von Terror!
Learn it now and learn it well
I wanna hear you scream when I get my Nobel
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6. |
Into the Bowl
01:56
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This is genius
A brilliant tactical maneuver
It’s a truly classic mental patient move
And I’m playing all the hits
These white coat motherfuckers
Are all fucking with my brain
All the poison pills they give me
Will be flushed right down the drain
The blue ones make me dizzy
The white ones give me gas
Von Terror and his nurses
Can all kiss my fucking ass
Into the bowl
The literature all says not to stop taking them suddenly
But what can be worse than the side effects these pills already give me?
My chest is heavy, my dick is broken, my nipples are fuckin’ numb
So I’ll hide that wretched poisonous shit under my fuckin’ tongue
It’s time to detox
It’s time to regenerate
After being in a drugged stupor for days
Panic is back, baby
These white coat motherfuckers
Can get their guinea pigs somewhere else
All their paperwork and prescriptions can go straight to fuckin hell
I reject their diagnosis
My brains wont be turned to mush
The medications that they feed me
Will all get the fucking flush
And down they will sink
Like turds
Into the sewers
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7. |
Funny Farm Food Fite!
02:29
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The battle of the hor d’oeuvres
There will be no prisoners left to serve
Mashed potato hand grenades and ketchup squibs
The food fight of the century is set to begin
Dodging tacos and Salisbury steaks
Armed with rolls and a plastic tray
I’ve got an orderly in my sights
He goes down in a flurry of French fries
Man the peas and spoons
Fire at will you loons
This place erupts in a blaze
Of mealy fish sticks and donut glaze
Green bean artillery and cheesy claymores
This isn’t lunch time, this is war
Flinging muffins and mustard packs
I’m off my meds, I’m on the attack
Mixed veggie green berets, a white bread navy
They’ve got the ladles, we’ve got the gravy
Man the peas and spoons
Fire at will you loons
Funny farm food fight!
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8. |
Solitary Refinement
04:06
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This place is like a greased up Sisyphean hill from Hell
I’ve been restrained and diagnosed, drugged heavily and billed
Now thrown in solitary
Caged like a canary
All for throwing some food at the fucking staff
The walls are pock marked with day counts clustered into fives
There’s no windows, it smells like farts, the floor is wet with slime
The toilet is a bucket
Von Terror can fuckin’ suck it
How the shit did that cunt get an MD?
This treatment is experimental
My findings will be monumental
I’ll be awarded the Kurt-Koffka
Conquistaré la madulla oblongata
Oh,
You motherfucker
You’re a helplessly psychopathic Nazi
No,
This is some dark shit
If I wasn’t sick in the head before
I will be now
When the oceans bubble up to swallow all the coasts
When the earth is overheated, homo sapien weenie roast
I’ll still be in this clinic
Counting down the minutes
Waiting for the grim reaper and his scythe
When the breadbaskets fail and cannibalism is the norm
When the petrodollar implodes and the economy is no more
I’ll be found in here, bloodied, eating raw slices of my ass
Buttocks tartare, brain deep fried
My methods are a little zany
I’ve been at this since the 80s
I’ll be worshipped in the halls of science
Gotta crush some coal if you wanna diamond
Oh,
You motherfucker
You’re a helplessly psychopathic Nazi
No,
This is some dark shit
If I wasn’t sick in the head before
I will be now
I’m going to test this new treatment on you, Panic Surfer
But I’ ll have to keep you in here for the rest of your life
And when the last human breathes it’s last breath
And the roaches and dolphins fight over dominance
And the last pillars of civilization fall
I’ll still be here, carving the days into the wall
These drugs
This science
Should be banished into the dark
Of history
And forgotten
Like the first four Pantera albums
In the blur of time, I can’t count the days
Any longer
It drags on and on
Punctuated only by a pock marked orderly
Jabbing me with syringes
Oh,
You motherfucker
You’re a helplessly psychopathic Nazi
No,
This is some dark shit
If I wasn’t sick in the head before
I will be
Now
You fucking people
Should be shot right in the nuts and left in
This hole
To bleed out in blackness
I can’t emphasize this enough:
Fuck you
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9. |
Jericho the Janitor
02:58
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10. |
Attack of the Wererats!
04:04
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Wading knee deep in the city’s sewage in nothing but a hospital gown, bare assed and freezing
Somehow cold shit is even less appealing than a freshly pinched off turd in the bowl
When off in the distance, in the putrid darkness, I hear a sound that makes me halt in my tracks
Horrid, eldritch squeaks like razor blades cutting right through my quivering brain
They’re here
5 to 1 I fight
Wererats to the left and the front and the right
Plastic spork in hand
Great for gouging out eyes
These mutants won’t stop me
They’re all gonna die
Wererats
What bunch of wicked freakish things
Like big furry demons, yellowed teeth, eyes of red
Unlucky for them
I’m off all my meds
They don’t stop coming, the rumors are true, they breed like rats and fight like bikers
On meth
Animal control should have done something by now
It’s up to me to put these freaks down
One were-rat writhes in a pool of his guts
Another twitches after being brained by my spork
A third, fourth and fifth gurgle and choke on their blood
I’m knee deep in human shit and rat gore
1 to 10 they die
Pieces of tail and chipped teeth set to fly
Plastic spork in hand
I’m out of my mind
These rodents are proof
There’s no God in the sky
I parry the 6th, kick him in the balls
I drop kick the 7th square in the jaw
The 8th takes the spork right up his ass
The 9th dies from a random heart attack
C’mon, you miserable man rodents
I’ve got places to be
I escaped Von Terror’s tortures
But you won’t escape me
Wererats
What bunch of wicked freakish things
Like big furry demons, yellowed teeth, eyes of red
No mercy for them
Off with their heads
Wererats
A horde of B-horror movie rejects
Like big Stephen Millers, no soul and dead eyed
And for a finale
Flying fur, flesh and guts
Hacking and stabbing
The bodies piled up to rot
The 10th one is spork fucked to death
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11. |
Just My Luck
02:00
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Another day, another mental hospital to escape
Covered in blood and sewage, I’ve been awake for days
I take off running as alarms blast
Nurses lunge as I run past
Down another dim hall, this place is a damn maze
Fluorescent lights flicker between distant screams
Why the fuck would this happen to me?
I know
That this would just be my luck
To emerge out into
Another insane asylum straight from Hell
You can’t make this shit up
I barreled through a door right into an orderly
So I bit his fucking nose off, and stole his master key
Flanked by some nurses armed with shots of booty juice
I zigzag like a maniac, and barrel roll into a room
I block the door with tables and chairs
So those nurses can’t get in here
And you wouldn’t believe where I wound up
It’s too good to be true
A panel over head read “Master Controls”
There was a big red button, and a little keyhole
I know
That this would just be my luck
To have an opportunity to
Ruin the day for all these wretched cunts
They can toss my salad
I plunge the key into the hole, the staff bangs at the door
I push the big red button, there’s a rumble through the floor
All
The
Patient
Doors
Fling open
A horde of psychos
Just like me
Maul the staff
And faculty
And I
Run
And I’m as free as OJ now
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12. |
Outpatient
02:39
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That fucker left holes in my brain
I wasn’t insane before
I was just a normal bastard
With some minor neurosis
But now if I can’t kill Von Terror
I will prey on the dumb and weak and naive
Of the world
And that doctor can’t stop me
Because I made it out
And now I ain’t quite right
I’m gonna murder the world
And go hunting at night
I’ll smash babies with rocks
And turn your wife into meat
I’ll set fire to pre schools
And jay walk in the streets
Those meds disintegrated my scruples
I’m a naked freak covered in blood
Now I wonder the streets and
Hear sirens in the distance
But no dumbfuck pig can catch me
I’ve been filled with so many experimental drugs
I’ve grown into a modern Mr. Hyde
And I’m out
I can’t find my way home
I’m twitchy and slimy and
All I know is that I must kill
The sirens close in around me
Assholes with their phones surround me
I hone in on a boomer in kakis
And smash his face into the concrete
And laugh
As his dumpy wife screams for mercy
But I don’t oblige
She gets cunt punted back into the 60s
Two bald, sweaty pigs try to take my flank
They slip on boomer blood
And I make it out
And slip into the dark
The sirens keep on wailing
I hear police dogs bark
And just like that
I’m free to murder and to maim
On an unsuspecting world
Everyone is fair game
When you hear the footsteps behind you in the dark
And you turn and see a not-unattractive man in a medical gown
Covered in rat blood and nurse guts
Remember the name Von Terror
That fucker made me
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13. |
An Early Retirement
01:15
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Panic Surfer Dallas, Texas
Panic Surfer is a one man project from Texas, formed during the 2020 lockdown to prevent the sole member from slipping into
total madness.
Originally Panic Surfer was a project focused on satirical YouTube and Tik Tok videos, but later expanded into more ambitious territory.
Incorporating elements of death, thrash, groove metal, and horror punk, Panic Surfer promises to punish.
... more
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